Friday, March 14, 2008

shoot me. now would be good.

My parents were just here. I restrained myself, with enough effort that it was not pretty, to yelling and cursing. Relationships have a character, after a time. Gestures that would not, to a neutral observer, seem what they are to the people in the relationship.

Probably the nastiest thing you can do to anyone is to pretend to be reasonable while front and end loading your comments with insults. Tonight's beauts were:

When we called you an axe murderer and said that's what we thought you would be to the family therapist while we were arguing over custody, what we really meant was we were worried for you. You just took it wrong.

Your (oldest) daughter is depressed and we notice that when she comes back from your house, she seems agitated. 'Things' are there that weren't there before. (For the record, my parents are homophobic, religious wingnuts. That might have something to do with it. My father kept talking about the 'difference of atmosphere.')

They entered my house through the door without waiting to be asked in.

My father tried to enlist my partner and any time he was in the room, my father talked to him and pretended I did not exist. This is nothing new.

We apologize to you all the time. What, do you want us to commit suicide? Would that make you happy? (I pointed out that I often get variations of 'I'm sorry but you made me,' 'I'm sorry but none the stuff you remember happened,' 'I'm sorry but you took it the wrong way,' 'I'm sorry but here's an insult to remind you of your place, you slut.' But those don't count and neither of them remember anything like that.)

We came here to enlist you in a team (despite the fact that we've decided she needs to be on meds and refused to look at any of the studies you sent us showing the dangers and unanswered questions around giving a child going through puberty psychoactive drugs that have never been tested on girls going through puberty. Oh, and the therapist who's been seeing her thinks she's doomed and won't listen to any contrary opinions. More drugs! The therapy is working great!)

We don't understand why you might be angry; you're just holding on to things and we're trying so hard to get along. (I mean, we've been polite and everything. We even showed up smiling. As my father put it, isn't the right to be happy in the Constitution?)

Those of you who have the passive-aggressive parents will recognize these kinds of things. Perhaps the part that is most frustrating to me is the portion with the exasperated, 'but we've apologized. What else do you want?' I don't think I'll ever outgrow the desire to be loved, but everyone on earth will have to pardon me if I am reluctant to take a half-assed apology from a pair of people who have spent my entire life, thus far, insulting me (no one will ever love you, fatty; you're not pretty, you're interesting looking. sometimes a guy will like that, but make sure to let him feel superior and hide your brains), wrestling with custody, reminding me that, as my father put it in front of my ex-husband, his father, his step-mother, my kids and everyone who was within range of his voice, I was such a slut they needed to install a revolving door on my bedroom and who wants a kid to be raised by that?

And the sad thing? The really sad thing? If I ever thought they were actually sorry, I'd give it try number 12, at this point, and try to talk to them.

Maybe, as my dad reminded me, I just need to grow up.

As far as I'm concerned, not hitting them, breaking anything or drinking after they left means I'm ahead of the game.


R.Skye said...

If your daughter really is depressed, then you should definitely talk to her. Especially if it seems as if she's got some pent up emotions. If she is, catching it early will really help.

But keep her away from your parents, if you can. Sheesh, they sound more awful than I could ever imagine.

mouthybitch said...

I have talked to her about it, and will again today. I just don't see what they keep describing and I'm afraid that, like they tried to do to me, what they're actually doing is trying to apply drugs until anything that does not fit the traits their looking for in terms of normality and happiness disappears. They gave me freaking lithium, or something like it, when I was a teenager which made me drool on myself and unable to defend myself, complain or think coherent thoughts. Theraputic medicine would be fine, as long as it's not better domination through chemistry (which is what they did to me. It's hard to put up a fight when you can't think.)

It's hard for me to consider, but that doesn't mean I won't. *sigh* It would just be nice to get into a conversation that was not filled with insults, then more insults when I point the first insults out. I forgot to mention it in the post, but they also tried to say hanging out with her sister depressed my oldest kid, so she shouldn't have to hang out with her sister. But they like to blame my middle kid for stuff behind her back and kiss her ass in person. Because they love her so very much.


R.Skye said...

I'm glad you are going to talk to your daughter. Depression is something that is bandied about quite a lot, but it's actually really serious. As far as medication...I know many of the doctors I've talked to want to put me on antidepressants, but I doubt I will. I'm glad that I have a mother who will take my opinion on what I want to do with my body, and I don't want to put drugs into it. It's good that you're taking this seriously, and I think your daughter will be glad you're talking to her.